It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from 'doing to' to 'working with' parenting-including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.

More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including 'time-outs'), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Unconditional parenting, on the other hand, assumes the best of the child before us and tries to address the whole person, not just the unwanted behavior.One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Kohn argues that when we rely on external motivators such as rewards and punishments, we are teaching our children that their worth depends on their actions. Time-outs, positive re-enforcement, natural consequences, and other commonly prescribed parenting techniques have no place in unconditional parenting.

“Unconditional parenting” is the term that Kohn uses to describe a relationship where the quality and quantity of parental attention is not limited to punishing a child’s bad behavior and rewarding good behavior. Instead, Kohn, who has been writing about parenting and education for more than 20 years, says that parents need to ask themselves, “What are your long-term objectives for your children?” But Alfie Kohn wants to dissuade parents from making obedience their ultimate goal. Most books about parenting offer tips for handling kids when they act up: how to get them to go to bed without a fuss how to cure their picky eating habits how to stop them from talking back.

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn